Dad Jokes

Golf cart rides with the grandkids

Happy Father's Day to all you dad's out there! I'm sitting here chuckling, thinking of all the different ways I could talk about my dad in this post. He's a guy I could tell you a million funny stories about as easily as I could tell you the touching ones, and I think that's what makes him so great. He's got a little bit of something for everyone.

First and foremost, dad thinks he's very funny. And he is... but he's funny in that shake-your-head-and-laugh-at-how-much-you-love-him kind of way. To give you an example, if you would come to our house for dinner he might ask you if you'd ever had boneless chicken for breakfast. And you'd look at him quizzically until he said, "Eggs... get it? Boneless? Chicken?"

Tell me, could you keep from laughing at that?

My friend Laura Karlen came to live with my family my senior year of high school, and when all my siblings were home one weekend we were sitting at the table chatting over dinner. Laura was telling us all about something that had happened in her day when dad looked at her and said, "That's terrible... just like toilet paper." And Laura looked at him and said, "Oh, I get it. Tear-able. Like toilet paper is perforated."

I kid you not, people. All six of us kids looked at each other in astonishment because, while we had heard him say that to us all of our lives, not one of us knew what it actually meant. We all thought toilet paper was terrible because you wiped yourself with it. This was obviously a case of just hearing something so often it became second-nature without seeking explanation.

Or it could be that we all didn't ask for an explanation because when you do, you get a history lesson. When I asked my dad how he was doing one day, he replied: "Oh, about two in a hill." So I, of course, asked him what in the world that meant. Which means I then had a lengthy conversation about how farmers, back in the old days, would plant two seeds instead of one when planting on a hill so if there was water run-off they would have a better chance of one seed staying in the ground. So, two in a hill was a good thing. See... aren't you glad I asked him? Don't you feel just a little bit smarter all of the sudden?

Dad is not only funny... but he was a great dad growing up. He climbed up trees and fell out of them tying up rope swings for us. He could throw us so high in the air we'd get dizzy... but always managed to catch us. He loved going to the lake boating every weekend and didn't mind having to hop in the water to help us get our skis on. [And he taught us how to ski like he taught us how to do everything... by always starting with, "Now, if a guy would just (insert instructions here...)"] He bought my brother Jim a sailboat and would go out on the lake with him to bail out the water and keep themselves afloat. In other words, even if things were a pain in the butt, he didn't mind doing it if it meant you were happy.

And that's the main thing I can tell you about my dad. He's happy when his kids are happy. He's happy when his neighbor is successful. He's first in line to lend a hand when hard times befall you. He's the guy you want to watch your back.

And he's funny. What more could a girl ask for?

Happy Father's Day, Dad... You are loved!