Do you ever sit in the moments of your life and think, "Really?"
Because I do.
I sit in this condo and look out at the sunshine streaming down on the pavement and think, "Really?"
Really? This is how I'm supposed to live my life… looking through a piece of glass at the possibilities of what will never be?
Really? I'm supposed to sit here, forgetting despite my very best efforts what the smell of fresh air and newly mown grass smells like, and be ok with it all?
I mean, really.
But we all do that in different ways. We all look at the life we imagine for ourselves compared to the life we actually have and wonder how we're supposed to make it all good and full and fulfilling. And usually we go about trying to change our reality rather than work with what's in front of us, because we think something must be wrong with the picture we're seeing.
Every time I find myself saying, "Really?" and wishing I could change something that is unchangeable, I instead try to look at it with different eyes.
His eyes.
I was watching Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love recently {I don't recommend spending the money on the rental, by the way… it fell flat for me} and there was one line in it that struck me {I guess maybe getting a line for a blog post was worth the rental fee :)}.
She said the holy truth of her whole adventure at an ashram in India was: God dwells within you, as you.
And I thought, "Really."
Because if God dwells in me, as me, then He needs me right where I am. Right as I am. Even in the impossibly confining space of this condo. Even in the impossibly debilitating pain. Even in the impossibly limiting energy. He is still in me. As me.
I am in His image. I am His hands and feet.
Right here. Even in my seclusion.
What do you feel confines you? Debilitates you? Limits you? And is there a way God can use you, not despite those things, but in those things?
It makes me wonder.
It makes me wonder if all this time we spend trying to change our circumstances would actually be put to good use trying to serve Him within those confines.
Maybe we are limited because this is where He needs us to work, even if it's not our ideal. Maybe if we serve Him in our circumstances, our purpose may be fulfilled in that instance and our circumstances would change as His need of us changes.
Really.
So, today, I'm trying to look at my circumstances differently. I'm trying to think about how I can serve in my confines and debilitations and limits. I'm trying not to miss it.
Not because I believe it will change my circumstances. I will still be looking through the glass at the outside world. But because maybe I am put in my circumstances so I can change someone else's reality. Maybe, just maybe, He is dwelling in me, as me, so I can be Him to you today.
And maybe you are right where you are – this minute – so you can be Him to someone else today.
Really.