It's taken me a lot of years to
get to a place where I can feel accepting of my life as it is and as it will
be. There were so many years of fighting to be who I had imagined I would be at
this point in my life. And the fighting turned out to be more exhausting than
the accepting.
When I let go of my earthly
ideas of who I should be and how I should live, I got everything I really
wanted. I have authentic relationships that are based on real connections. I am
closer to my family. I have opportunities to be creative and expressive; it
just came in a different form than a job. I am loved and respected and cared
for and cared about.
What else is there that I could
need?
Now, the reality is that the
noise and trouble creep in all the time. There are moments when I keep the
shades drawn because the sunshine outside is just a reminder that I can't be
outside and a part of it. There are those moments when I see myself in a new
photograph and am startled that I don't see the same face I always knew... it's
a face that's a little swollen and medicated and sick. Sick with a smile, but
sick nonetheless. There are moments of watching people dance and longing for
the days of being carefree.
But that's where the Peace
comes into play. "Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no
noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and
still be calm in your heart." ~Unknown
What is important is that God
gave me gifts and I used them. And if I don't have those gifts anymore I
believe it's because He doesn't have a need for me to use them anymore. But
that doesn't stop me from seeing the gifts that remain, the gifts that come
from the hard stuff. The gifts that allow me to have peace in my heart while
the noise and trouble and hard work rumble on.
I got everything I really
wanted once I let it all go.
Purchase Sara's book...Choose Joy: Finding Hope and Purpose When Life Hurts, to learn more about choosing joy.