Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Control Your Control Center

Ok, I think it's time for a funny story. But because the number one rule of my blog is that I would never want to hurt anyone's feelings, I'm going to change names in order to protect the innocent. Let me clarify: I'm fine with making fun of people and embarrassing them (just being honest)... I'm just afraid that until this person turns 25, he may find this to be more humiliating than funny.

I, on the other hand, find it freaking hilarious.

So we're going to call this little boy Ralphie (because I can't think of a more inconspicuous name than Ralph. Makes me think of that kid with the glasses in that Christmas movie).

Little Ralphie was just old enough to join a soccer team. He had the uniform and had practiced and was all ready for game day. So were his parents. They were on the sidelines across the field from Ralphie when they noticed that he, like so many little boys his age, couldn't keep his hands off his privates.

Ralphie was watching the game, absentmindedly rooting on his team with his hands where they shouldn't be. His mom was horrified. She turned to her husband and said, "You have got to do something about this. Tell him to knock it off."

Short of yelling across the field to your son to keep his hands to himself, or not to himself as the case may be, there wasn't much the dad could do at this point. But that evening, as dad was giving Ralphie his bath, they had a much needed discussion.

Ralphie came downstairs to the kitchen, all clean and in his cozy pajamas, ready to tell his mom goodnight. She stood at the sink finishing up dishes and asked if Ralphie's father had talked with him about anything that night.

Ralphie replied (in an animated and expressive manner - complete with hand gestures):

"He did, Mom. But I just told him how the body works. The brain is the control center of your body and tells everything in your body what to do. So my control center sent a message to my arm and down to my hand. Then my hand went beep, beep, beep (this is where the hand gestures came in) and so that's why my hand had to go there."

"And what did your dad say when you explained all this to him?" asked the mom.

Ralphie, with a big sigh: "He told me I'd better get control of my control center."


  1. Ok, that about made me spit out my coffee this morning! Love it!

  2. ha! So funny! I swear, I could make an album itself of all the photos we have that catch my boys playing with themselves. Boys are so weird.

  3. LOL!! That is hilarious!!

  4. How funny! Your right he probably won't find this story amusing until much later on.

  5. Hilarious! Can't wait to tell this one.

  6. Ha!! Kids crack me up, OMG. And I love how he had this big explanation about his 'control center'....

  7. AHaHAHAHA!! That cracks me up!! TOOOO funny! Thanks for sharing.