Monday, November 2, 2009

Brought to You by the Letter F


How fitting that on the Monday after Halloween the majority of you chose Fear as the F word you’d most like to hear about.

Wow, writing the F word seemed so inappropriate. :)

Anyway…  there were so many directions I could have gone with fear. Like the fact that if a mouse showed up in my condo there would be a huge problem… because I wouldn’t be staying here and I can’t actually leave. I’m telling you, I could be in the worst sort of medical condition and I wouldn’t call my friends in the middle of the night, but I can guarantee you I would be waking them up and insisting on companionship if a mouse was involved.

Growing up in the country, I had plenty of opportunities to have mouse confrontations. My dad always tried to tell me that mice were more afraid of me than I was of them… but he could never explain to me why, if that was true, they tend to RUN RIGHT AT A PERSON.

Yeah. Logic kind of trumped him on that one.

If we’re talking about fear I could also tell you that the last horror movie I watched was Children of the Corn at my birthday slumber party in 7th grade. We all started out spread out on the floor, and by the time the movie was over, my friends and I were all crowded on the couch with my sister Laura, who was just as scared but [bless her heart] trying to be comforting.

It was especially chilling because one of the characters kept saying, “Malachi…” in a really creepy, ominous voice. I swear to God, in our religion class junior year Sr. Janet started talking about Malachi from the Bible and my friend Katie and I both looked at each other like someone might attack us out of the cornfield that night. Yes. Four years after we watched the movie.

We also might have gotten in trouble that day for talking all through religion class because we were so freaked out, but explaining it to Sr. Janet really did no good considering we talked through class almost every day anyway.

Yep. I could ramble on about lots of different fears, but I don’t think those are the kinds of things you actually meant for me to talk about. So I’m reposting something I wrote back in December on the topic, because I don’t think I can say it any better now than I did then. Back then I chose to not be afraid of what would happen in the coming year. And now that everything has happened, I’m not going to be afraid of next year either. There’s just too much life to be lived between now and then to waste it.


Off The Table
[December 11, 2008]

This seems to be the time of year when there's a lot of reflection on the past 12 months... the ups and downs, the changes, the celebrations and the sadness. It seems hard for me to believe that three seasons have come and gone and winter is upon us again. It felt like a "blink and you'll miss it" kind of year for me.

Awhile back I was reading Alece's blog Grit and Glory, and she posed this question: What’s the most significant thing God did in you this year?

My first thought was, why doesn't anyone ever ask easy questions?!?! But this was my second thought:

He took fear off the table. I’m not even sure how it happened… but I think the extreme uncertainty of my life finally made it very clear. Fear isn’t an option. It’s like He drew a line and said fear or ME. And I didn’t choose fear. And it was one of those fundamental changes where I know it’s just not an option. Everything can be taken away, and I trust Him. Period.

I don't think I stopped to realize it until that exact question was posed, but it's the absolute truth. And I think it was something that was graced for me because it wasn't a specific thing I was consciously trying to do, although it definitely fits with the intention of how I'm trying to live. Something shifted in me and I know that I unequivocally trust Him.

That doesn't mean life is suddenly carefree and easy... it means that in the midst of hard stuff, I'm not scared. If I look back on the past year there is no doubt I'm doing worse now than last year. But I'm not afraid of what next year will bring. He took that option off the table. And I intend to work as hard as I need to in order to keep it that way.

I've found, though, that it's much easier to not choose fear when it comes to my life, but when it comes to those I love I have to work on it more. I want to fix things for them, I want to take away their hard times, their illnesses, their uncertainties. I have to watch my words when I pray for them so it doesn't come from fear, but rather faith.

I was recently having a conversation with my sister when we both agreed that He is the same God today as He was yesterday, we just wonder what in the world He's thinking sometimes.

But that's the point: faith is believing without seeing. I can't see it... I can't know what happens tomorrow. But I know He's got it under control. And that fear is off the table.

a to z

Ok, peeps… let’s see what you can come up with for a “G” topic…

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