Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Bitter and The Sweet

You may have gathered, from the last two days of posts, that I enjoyed having my company here for Christmas. :) Having the Hayward's here and then missing them was, like so many things in life tend to be, bittersweet.

But the bittersweet began earlier in the week for me, as my doctors made the decision to add another narcotic to my regimen for pain relief. It was a patch I would wear all of the time that released a medication into my system, which I would take along with the pain meds I am already on. I was nervous about starting it before company came, but I also knew that if it was going to be helpful, it would make my time with friends and company so much easier.

So I gave it a try.

And it helped. A lot.

While the acute pain was still there, I found myself not jolting in pain so much. My body relaxed a little bit. Despite being on more narcotics, I found my mind clearer, found it easier to carry on conversation. My movements were as limited, but they were easier. I had to think about it less.

The pain reduction itself was subtle to me, but the ramifications... good ramifications of things I was able to do more easily... were amazing.

The medication was able to be in my system almost 24 hours before I started reacting to it, which means I had the majority of one waking day with some relief. I know that should be the most sweet part, but it's not. The sweetness came because it happened to be the day my brother stopped through on his way home for Christmas. The sweetness is in the fact that on that one afternoon, I got to sit up – not in bed – and have a conversation with his family. My niece Avery and nephew Cooper got to see me feeling stronger than they had in a long time.

And I got to enjoy them.






I can see the difference in me in the photos. The Shan Clan came that night and in our first pictures you can see the pain relief in me, too. And you can see the change later on. That night I started with the reaction and was throwing up the next two days. That's the bitter part... where I got a glimpse of what could be if my body would only tolerate the medication.

It wouldn't be a change in my life circumstance or my lifestyle, but it would be a change in my comfort. And I grabbed that for a moment and then lost it. But I am so grateful I got to have my moment with my brother and his family. I'm grateful Shannon got to see me well even if that moment was only an hour long. It doesn't erase the bitter, but I won't let the bitter erase the sweet, either.

And man, was it was sweet.

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