Stop. Collaborate and Listen.

I have no idea why thinking about writing this post suddenly brought Vanilla Ice's lyrics into my head. But since they're now stuck in mine I thought I would be kind enough to share and let them be stuck in your head, too.

You're welcome.

Sorry. Back to the reason I was writing in the first place. As I've been less and less able the past few years, I've discovered a little gem that has kept my mind busy and distracted when I've not been able to physically distract myself.

AUDIO BOOKS.

I remember going with Mom and Dad on car trips when I was the only kid left at home, and thinking they were nuts for checking cassette tapes of books out at the library.

BORING.

And then I would totally get lost and absorbed in the stories right along with them, and the trips seemed to fly by. As an added bonus, no one got carsick trying to read in a moving vehicle.

Win-win.

Of course, no one in today's day and age remember what a cassette tape is, and cds are quickly going by the wayside with the dawn of ever-shrinking iPod Nanos that hold more songs than I could ever listen to in my lifetime.

But audio books? They're still amazing. I have received a few as gifts, and these past months when I have felt too tired to even think about holding a book, they have been an amazing distraction. To me, they are the quintessential movie of the mind.

TODAY, because my friend Matthew is amazing, you all get to try an audiobook for FREE. You will love it. There is something about hearing an author tell the story in their own words… with their pauses and inflections… that brings a whole new depth to the work. It becomes a … wait for it… COLLABORATION between you and the author.

[I can't believe I'm actually tying in that random title.]

So … STOP. COLLABORATE with the author. All you have to do is download it for free and LISTEN.

[forgive me. I just couldn't help myself. it won't happen again.]

Fill out this box and get your audiobook for free:

Oh, and word to your mother.

YOU:create … week 25

Well, it looks like the One Word doodles were a hit … because I had a few requests to add some late submissions. :) I loved getting to doodle these, so I've added the following words to today's YOU:create download:

allow
engage
eucharisteo
faithfulness
gentleness
goodness
light
mindful
prayer
self-control
servant
transform
whole
yes

Here are a few examples:

You can download these additional words here: DOWNLOAD

Also, at some point the link for the words in the first post stopped working, so I re-uploaded the original words. If you had problems getting them, the new link to download the 62 words from a few weeks ago is here: ORIGINAL WORDS

::

I also had another idea that I'd like your feedback on. Last week I wrote about "Selah" and happened to remember that I had made a word doodle for it, so I used it to start the post.

Are there any of these words that you would like me to talk about? Is there a certain angle on any of the words that you want me to write on and discuss? You can go back to the One Little Word post to see all the words to choose from, as well as the words listed today. If you do want me to talk about any of them, just let me know in the comment section and I'll work my way down the list. :)

I can’t wait to see what you guys came up with this week! Just click below and follow the instructions to link to your project. When it asks you to choose the web or a file for your thumbnail, choose web. Then it will take you to a list of the images on the page you are linking to and you’ll be able to choose a photo to represent your project.

Blog Peep Questions: Round 16

Does it drive you crazy to be alone all the time?

Honestly, it is so much more complicated than yes or no. The truth is that I want to scream Yes and explain No all in the same breath. I'll tackle the yes part first.

Yes. Oh my goodness, yes, there are times it gets really old being alone. I'd say mornings are probably toughest for a number of reasons. One is that I never feel well in the morning – I always wake up in a lot of pain, oftentimes I don't breathe as well first thing in the morning and it's hard for me to get sitting up to take my meds and get my body moving. So I'm not starting off from a place of strength, and I look at the clock knowing I have a whole day ahead of me, alone, to get through.

I know, not the hop-up-happy answer for the way a person likes to start the day. But that's probably when I most take note of being alone… partially because I don't feel well and partially because there is the knowledge that I don't know what's coming, if I'll be able to get up or not, if I'll feel well or sick, if I'll be exhausted or have a little energy to do something. All I really do know is that I'll be doing it by myself.

So that's why mornings can seem a little lonely. That is, of course, until Riley notices my eyes are open. Then he flings himself across my chest because he's certain that I've been longing all night just for the privilege of scratching his chest for him.

He's a little narcissistic. But I made him that way by entertaining his every whim, so I can't really complain. :)

But him noticing I'm awake and being so happy about it is what makes me smile every morning. He's my physical therapy as I start to move my arms and get my fingers working simply by petting him. He's pretty much my lifesaver.

Onto the no portion of this answer. The truth of the matter is, I am ok being alone most of the time simply because I know it has to be this way, and also because it gives me the freedom to do what I need when I need it. There is no one here to entertain or do things for or keep a schedule with. That means if I want to eat supper at ten o'clock at night because that's when I am less nauseous, that's ok. If I lose a whole day to coma sleep like Saturday, I'm not messing up anyone's plans. If I can't breathe well or am in a lot of pain or simply exhausted, I don't have to fake my way through it keeping someone company or making sure they don't worry.

I guess Riley gets his narcissism from me. :) But really, being this sick requires that kind of flexibility. I am in control of nothing, including the whims of my body, so I have to let it dictate what I do and when. I can't keep any real sort of schedule, which would be hard on other people. And that would make me feel incredibly guilty. More importantly, I could never live with someone because every germ they encounter out in the world, I would encounter when they came home. I have to be ok with being alone because it just simply wouldn't work.

I was the most social person you can imagine, so it was an adjustment for me, but it was a gradual process and I adapted as I went along. The sicker I am, the more I crave quiet. The more I crave simplicity and don't tolerate drama. Being tired a lot can sometimes make me melancholy, but it also makes me need the quiet and solitude.

So, yes. I get lonely every day. And no, it doesn't drive me crazy because it's what is absolutely necessary. And it all really depends on how you define being alone.

In the movie Harry Potter – Order of the Phoenix, there is a scene when Harry is feeling isolated and alone because of the lies being spread about him by followers of Voldemort [otherwise referred to as "You Know Who"]. His friend Luna says to him: "I suppose that's how he wants you to feel. If I were You Know Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else because if it's just you alone, you're not as much of a threat."

And that's what all of you do for me. You make sure it's never just me alone. You defy my circumstances for me. You show up here and comment and keep me company. You send me notes and pictures of the outside world, even when I don't have the energy to write you all back. You all make sure I'm not cut off from living, and I can't imagine how much more crazy being alone all the time would make me if I really was alone.

But I'm not. I have you all to look forward to every day. Which means you all pretty much save my sanity. So you can mark one off in your win column just by being here and keeping me company. You do so much more than you think. :)

Gitz Bits 2011: Week 6

Monday, February 7, 2011

This is one of my absolute new favorite gadgets. [and y'all know how much I love gadgets!] I had gotten an Amazon gift card for Christmas and I used it for some practical things that make my life so much easier. Along with a couple of special pillows and bolsters to prop me up in bed, I got this great remote light switch.

I have lamps in my bedroom and in the hall that aren't always easy for me to reach the switches, so I plugged the cords into these special outlets and now I can turn them on and off by remote control.

It's like I'm living with the Jetsons :)

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Miss Nie Nie turned 11 on Tuesday, and we got to Skype just me and her. No moms or dads or little sisters waiting for their turn, just the two of us chatting until she had to go get ready for their night out.

I think it was more of a treat for me than her. I so love that kid.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Even when he's a total bed-head mess, he's is completely adorable. He's less adorable when he gets in the garbage and licks ketchup all over his face, or when he pees on my carpet and I'm trying to scrub it, but these cute picture moments make up for the times I want to strangle him. :)

Thursday, February 10, 2011

I was looking out to see how much snow was melting in our 35 degree heat wave, when I noticed these tracks across the roof of the garage. I think they look too big to be a bird and, if so, I'm wondering at what point the animal stopped and jumped…

Maybe our crazy rabid raccoons have taken up extreme sports!

Friday, February 11, 2011

This was an early Valentine drawing I got from my friend Heidi's son Ian. I thought it was cute, and then I read the note attached to it.

"This is me and Sara, and she lives in an igloo."

I didn't have a great feeling weekend, so I haven't had a chance to call Heidi yet, but I died laughing. Because either she told him that I keep my house so cold everyone comes wearing three layers, or that kid has some serious psychic abilities!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

I literally lost the whole day on Saturday in what I call a coma-sleep. I call it that because I can't open my eyes or function, but my mind is totally aware of what's happening. I spend all those hours when my body is too exhausted to move, trying to make myself wake up.

It's so intensely frustrating.

But Riley didn't mind a bit. That lump is him, under all the covers and blankets, just snoozing away. It's definitely his favorite place to be. Maybe because he's so cold. :)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

This is my pre-Valentine's Day attire. Mom brought me a cute sweat suit as a Valentine's gift when she came to visit last week. Nothing like a cute heart on your jacket to make you feel loved. :)

Thanks for once again sharing my week with me! Click on the button below if you want to go to Jessica’s site and check out the other participants showing off their weekly photos as well:

My Valentine

I kept trying to think of a cute and funny post for Valentine's Day, but to be honest it's a bit sentimental for me this year. And it's not because I'm permanently single. I've never felt the "sting of rejection" by the holiday or by being single at all, really. There were years I had a boyfriend on the day and many years when I didn't.

It never mattered.

Because every year I got a call from Dad while he was in his truck or at the farm or just home for lunch to ask me if I'd be his valentine.

It was never a bad day because I always had my first. My consistent love who never forgot to make sure I knew I was special.

And that's what I guess I really want to say today… that I was the luckiest little [and big] girl, because I had a love in my life. I had a dad who I always knew valued me. I had a man in my life who showed me what it meant to be loved and adored and cherished.

I never had to look for someone to complete me, because that man showed me I was complete in and of myself. He encouraged me, he believed in me, he prayed for me, he laughed with me and cried with me and showed me that I was worthy of being loved like that.

I got to be his baby doll and his Valentine for all those years.

For dads reading this, love your daughters. Shower them with hugs and kisses and "I believe in you" moments. It will be the greatest gift you can give them and a surefire way for them to grow up to be whole. They won't have to look for a false love to fill them up when they know what real love looks like.

A big part of why I am ok with how my life turned out is because he loved me in a way that showed me I was never alone. It was the best gift a Valentine could ask for.

Flashback Friday: Sparkly Snow

Listening to the sound of the wind whistling around the building as the windows shook and the snow whipped into tiny volcanoes in and of themselves, I found myself suddenly nostalgic for our farm house back on the acreage.

The blizzard here was just starting to get it's footing. The winds were reaching their 50 miles per hour and the chill of the outside could be felt in my inside bones. And then, for a moment, there was quiet. So I grabbed my camera and looked outside, knowing what I would see.

Sparkly snow. Right outside my window.

It was always my favorite part of the storm, watching from the window with my mom. I can remember the night, being in the family room, watching television with the family and suddenly noticing Mom was gone.

I always noticed when Mom was gone.

I walked into the laundry room, knowing that's where I would find her. But there was no sloshing of a washer or tumbling of a dryer. It was quiet. Dark. And the only sound was that familiar whipping of the wind as she sat on a stool by the window, watching it swirl.

Her moment of silence in the peace of the white sparkly snow.

As an adult, I now recognize the quiet moment she was grabbing. A husband and six kids content in another room. Dishes done. The house vacuumed. No pressing for homework to be done or school clothes to be ready, because she knew the snow was only starting and our rural roads wouldn't be fit for the buses to pass.

She would sit quietly at the window and rest in the sound of the new fallen snow. The peace in the wild whipping of the wind. I, of course, would break her silence, but only by my presence. I liked the quiet, too.

She would show me the light we were trying to see in the distance – the one a quarter mile away that lit up Dad's hog buildings. She was making sure the power was still on so the livestock were warm and fed and safe. But then she would take her eyes away from the light to make sure I saw the diamonds in the snow.

She said they were the little gift that God gives in the middle of a storm.

And I would curl up with her on her stool and think about how she sparkled right along with them, in the quiet of the snow.

There is no doubt that those little lessons then, about sparkly gifts in the middle of storms, help me to see the sparkle in my life now. Quietly content to watch the storms brew outside my windows. But only letting the sparkle rest inside.

YOU:create ... week 24

I got an email last week from a reader who was in desperate need of some original valentines to send to friends and family. So I doodled together a few little sayings that you can print out on a card or stationery or whatever your big hearts desire.

In lieu of candy, consider it my Valentine's Day gift to all of you. Which, of course, means you have to be my valentine. :) Just don't tell Riley. He's the jealous type.

If you'd like a copy of these doodles for yourself, all you have to do is click the button and it will take you to the download page:

I can’t wait to see what you guys came up with this week! Just click below and follow the instructions to link to your project. When it asks you to choose the web or a file for your thumbnail, choose web. Then it will take you to a list of the images on the page you are linking to and you’ll be able to choose a photo to represent your project.