Gitz Bits: Week 19

Monday, May 9, 2011

It seemed like my hosta *literally* started popping through overnight. I was so excited because with this weird, cold Iowa weather I wasn't sure they would know they were supposed to. :)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

"I swear I didn't mean to. Really this time."

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

This is for Vicky … because she is taking on her cancer head on – fiercely fighting like a girl - and I'm proudly wearing her bracelet to fight it with her.

Riley wanted to show his support, too, so he put on his best fighter scowl for her. :)

Thursday, May 12, 2011

This is a lamp mom brought down for me a few months ago and I love it. I told her it was so fun and interesting it made me feel decadent. I'm trying to find a spot for it when I move out to my new blue living room because I think it's too cool not to have on display.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Happy Birthday to me! I'm going to tell you all about my birthday tomorrow, but couldn't wait to show you this shot of my little Shan Clan. I got to hear these three lovelies sing to me on Skype, and I couldn't think of a better gift.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

I ventured out to the kitchen on Saturday and this caught my eye out my sliding glass door. And I have *no idea* who left the sign and plant there for me.

Anyone want to claim responsibility? It was the most fun mystery of my day, hands down. :)

Sunday, May 15, 2011

I dare you to look at this photo and not grin.

Tyler stopped by with his grandma on Sunday to pick up a table and chairs, and since he's had a cold he couldn't come in. So I sat in front of the sliding glass door so he could see me and we talked on the phone and made silly faces at each other.

In case it's not clear, I love this boy.

Thanks for once again sharing my week with me! Click on the button below if you want to go to Jessica’s site and check out the other participants showing off their weekly photos as well:

5 minutes: deep breath

As promised, here is my 5 minute Friday on a Monday!

::

Today I'm linking up to Lisa-Jo aka gypsy mama, who chooses a topic every Friday and writes for five minutes.

Only five minutes.

And the rule is that whatever she writes about in that five minutes is what she posts. No editing her thoughts.

Today, her topic choice is "Deep Breath…"

So I'm going to set the timer, write some thoughts, and then I'm going to stop.

Ready? Set. Go.

::

Deep Breath immediately brings my mind to every Tuesday when my nurse, Tabitha, comes to see me. We talk and catch up and she takes out her stethoscope to listen to my lungs.

"Deep breath…" she utters, and I do my best to oblige.

"Diminished and wheezy…" are her next words and we both nod. All is fine, as that is my normal now that I am fused. My ribs can't expand and my chest never heaves, so diminished and wheezy is my status quo.

The bad days are when no breath sounds can be heard. That's when antibiotics usually come into play. :)

So, physically, deep breath has changed for me. My status quo isn't the same as yours.

But when I think of the calling of my spirit, I breathe much better. When I sit here at the computer to write and be with all of you, my spirit breathes deep and it is full and clear and robust.

I can check on the status of my spirit and I feel satisfied, as if I am doing what I am called to do.

How about you? Have you checked the status of your spirit lately? Can you breathe deep, or are you diminished and wheezy? Are you feeling stuck in a tight space, or are you free in the knowledge you are doing what you are called to do?

If you find yourself gasping, wheezing, less than full – can I make a suggestion?

Make a change somewhere in your life. I can't change my physical deep breath, but we all have the chance to change the fullness of our spirit.

It can be large or small. Change a job or simply add a hobby that brings joy to your existence. But start. Because we all have this one life to live, and we might as well breathe deep while we live it.

(in)courage: Please Don't Miss It

Happy Friday, everyone!

So, this Friday's 5 minute post is going to happen on Monday instead, since I get to post over at (in)courage today. Which was nice of them to let me do on my birthday!

Yep. Today I turn 38, which means I am no longer in my mid-thirties. I'm officially in my "late" thirties… which is only interesting considering in my mind I'm still stuck at 27. :)

So, do me a favor and hop on over to my post there – I talk about what I want from all of you for my birthday and I hope you indulge me. I promise it won't cost you a thing!

Click here: Please Don't Miss It

And thank you all for always being here, loving me and supporting me. You make every year just that much better than the one before.

::

Edited to add entire post:

Today is my birthday, and people have been asking what they can get me or do for me. Watching the video below made me realize my answer.

Someone sent it to me the other day and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. It’s actually a piece about marketing, but for me it speaks volumes about what I’ve been trying to say to others with my life.

Will you take a moment to watch it before you read on?

I sit in this condo after these years of being homebound and I realize I have forgotten what fresh air smells like. I turn my ceiling fans on high so that my curtains rustle as if there is a breeze flowing through the windows. I watch them and try to imagine that the wind has picked up outside and the fresh air is blowing in.

But it isn’t. I can trick my brain and pretend, but I can’t capture that smell I’d taken for granted the majority of my life.

I don’t have a window that gets direct sunlight streaming in. I sit by a lamp and close my eyes and try to imagine the heat on my skin and the orange behind my eyelids as if the sun is beating down on me, but it’s not. The freckles that used to adorn my face are long since gone with the rays of sunlight that escape me.

I hear the lawn mower roar to life outside my walls as spring begins to bloom and I search back into my archive of memories to try to capture once again the smell of the fresh cut grass… even the pungent smell of blades ripping over unruly crab grass would be welcome to me now. I try so hard to find the smell that escapes me after too many years of having it gone missing.

I’m starting to lose the moments that mattered. The ones everyone rushes about their day not even realizing they exist.

Those are the things I want you to take away from looking at my life. I want you to not miss your own.

I’m not saying any of that so you’ll feel sorry for me. I don’t need that for my birthday. And I don’t need things for my birthday.

What I want is for my NOT getting to experience something to affect you in a way that you see what you might be missing.

For my birthday, I want you to do something for you.

I want you to STOP. I want you to FEEL and SMELL and ACKNOWLEDGE the gifts that God puts out for you every single day when He makes the sun rise from it’s slumber and beat down on your skin. I want you to look up in the dark of night and see and feel the magnitude of the heavens and the stars and the full moon that I can’t see out my windows.

I want you to be fully awake to the blessings in your life and not miss a moment. Take them in and savor them in your senses as if you might lose them tomorrow.

Savor your life and blessings. And thank our God for the gift of it all.

That’s the best gift I could receive this year. To know that my life taught you something about your own.

Will you come back here and tell me something you savored today that you might have otherwise missed?

I would love to share in those moments with you.

Seek.

There's an important difference
between giving up and letting go.
                         - Jessica Hatchigan

::

I've been feeling antsy lately.

Unsettled.

Part of it is physical simply because I can't get comfortable. When I'm still, everything inside my body feels like I should move. Shift positions. Alter my existence. When I move, everything about me screams to stay still. Moving hurts, it just stirs up more problems. But being still hurts, too, and the nausea never escapes either option. So it's a never ending battle between being still and being in motion.

It's a push and a pull where neither satisfies.

And it creates an antsy feeling in my spirit as well.

Because I'm stuck between being still and being in motion with life. The desire to do everything and the ability to do nothing. I lay in bed, in the antsy stillness and think of graduations approaching. I think of friends' birthdays and anniversaries and kids soon to be romping in the summer sun. I think of thank you notes to write, emails to send, canvases to make, phone numbers to dial and ways I could bless people. Ways I could help. Ways I could be present.

But the stillness trumps it all. I lift my arms to grab the card and the air escapes my lungs and I am too tired to rise. I go to grip the pen that will write the note and it shakes like I'm 80 years old, wondering where the old familiar motions have disappeared. So I think of the people in my mind instead of on paper, and I whisper a thank you in a prayer for them and pray they feel the love from where they are.

And I wonder about my purpose, what that might be if the things of my mind and heart can't be produced by my hands or my lips. I wonder what I'm supposed to be doing if I can't do anything.

I'm seeking the answers in outside things – in activities and achievements – that I can no longer do or accomplish.

And I am still. And antsy.

And I think of this quote:

There's an important difference
between giving up and letting go.
                       - Jessica Hatchigan

And I realize that part of seeking out what my purpose is, what my goals should be, how to fulfill what God has put in front of me, is to let go.

Let go of the ideas that I can't make happen. Let go of the expectations I put on myself to be more than myself. It's a constant process as I lose more abilities, to adapt and adjust and let go of the notion that what I should be is anything other than what I am.

It's a fine line, between giving up and letting go. Because I'm not giving up on having a purpose. I just may have to let go of putting energy into the things that no longer work so I can focus my energy on the things that still do work.

So I'm letting go of other things to do one thing, be here with all of you. I'm learning to let go of some of the things that take away the energy I need to make that happen.

And I realize that in some ways I'm lucky, because my life forces me to be still, be slow, let go of the externals so I don't lose sight of my purpose.

And it makes me wonder if all of you slow down in your lives … have you taken the time lately to really question and seek out what God's purpose is for you? And what you may need to let go of in this season to make that happen?

Gitz Bits: Week 18

Monday, May 2, 2011

The highlight of my day on Monday? Finding a word worth 57 points against my Uncle Jon! :) We play Words with Friends and I was getting antsy that he was beating me until "begin" got me ahead again.

Whew. Can't have Uncle Jon beating me. I'd never hear the end of it. :)

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

In preparation for my move into the main room of the condo, I decided to get rid of the old player piano. My reason for keeping it: it was pretty. My reasons for getting rid of it? One, I no longer had room for it. Two, I had no idea how to play it the normal way. Three, I no longer have the strength in my ankles to pump the player piano feature.

So I called Dan the Piano Man, who loved tinkering with it when he came to tune it a few years back, and he came to give the piano a new home where it would actually, you know, be used. :)

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Look at that pitiful face.

I put Riley's "I have issues" t-shirt on for a reason. The main one being that he does, in fact, have issues. Poor guy has been more anxious and marking more lately. I say poor guy to keep my perspective so I don't kill him for such activities, and opted to call the vet for advice rather than take matters into my own hands. :)

He actually has had issues in the past with infections, so the vet thought he'd better see him to make sure nothing was wrong. Riley hasn't been to the vet, or away from my side for that matter, since 2006, so this was no small thing.

To say I was nervous for him was an understatement.

But when sweet Susie came to take him to the vet all dressed up in the "I have issues" t-shirt, Riley went like an old pro. I watched him through the window pee on every blade of grass he could find, then he jumped right up into her vehicle like it was the happiest day of his life.

I think he could have been a little more leery without me to make me feel better, but whatever. :)

Thursday, May 5, 2011

This is Riley the next day, happily relaxing in bed with me once again. As it should be. :)

The vet called and it turns out the tests showed it was all behavior and anxiety. So we're adjusting his antidepressants and I'm keeping my Bissell Pet Cleaner out and in use. I was without him for a grand total of one half hour the day before and I decided that it was the worst half hour ever. So I've resigned myself to loving my antidepressant-taking dog just the way he is. Even in those moments he pees in my house and I want to send him to the pound.

Because seriously, people. Look at that face. Couldn't you forgive him about anything?

Friday, May 6, 2011

Today you get a random photo of my kitchen towel because I am running out of things to take pictures of.

So, tell me. Is there anything around here you're curious about and would like to see? Let me know in the comment section and I'll oblige because we are quickly coming to a day when every day of Gitz Bits will be random shots of Riley the wonder dog…

Saturday, May 7, 2011

My alma mater, the University of Northern Iowa, had graduation ceremonies this past Saturday, and First Lady Michelle Obama was the commencement speaker.

Not bad for a little Iowa town, eh?

I was smarter this time than when the Dalai Lama was here and actually checked to see if it was being televised. It was, and she did a beautiful job speaking to the students… it was a great perspective on family and careers and following your heart.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

This picture was my best part of Sunday. My friend Shannon sent it to me from a greenhouse they were at and told me this species of butterfly in the middle of the flowers is called "Sara."

She said it stayed perfectly still, just like I do. :) And I loved that in some alternate universe sort of way, I was there with them while they picked out flowers on a lovely Sunday afternoon.

Thanks for once again sharing my week with me! Click on the button below if you want to go to Jessica’s site and check out the other participants showing off their weekly photos as well:

This is (in)courage

When I was first invited to write for (in)courage I was so flattered and honored and excited to be a part of the amazing community that had developed there.

I had a couple of friends who had been writing at (in)courage since its inception, so I had already been reading and loved the messages. I loved the camaraderie and acceptance and encouragement that seemed to flow out of every corner of that world.

I expected to love it. I expected to be challenged by it. But I had no idea the impact that working with these women would have on my life.

I had no idea they would become my family. My sisters. My go-to girls. I had no idea I would have opportunities beyond writing… opportunities to share our lives, our fears, our joys and our blessings. I had no idea we would love each other, pray for each other and support each other in all aspects of our lives.

And despite the fact that I can't get on a plane and join the rest of them on their beach getaways and meet ups at conferences, they have made me feel like I am right there with them. I feel like I have been in those rooms late at night, sharing and bonding with all of the amazing women that make up this community.

That is a gift beyond words. I treasure each and every one of these women, and below is a short video that will give you a glimpse into what I get to experience. Some of the women got together and shared their words of what (in)courage means to them, along with photos of these soul sisters sharing real life together.

I'll be writing there again at the end of this week, but if you haven't yet taken the journey over to the (in)courage.me site, this video will convince you that you are not only invited, but loved and welcome.

Hope you enjoy it. :)

5 minutes: motherhood

Today I'm linking up to Lisa-Jo aka gypsy mama, who chooses a topic every Friday and writes for five minutes.

Only five minutes.

And the rule is that whatever she writes about in that five minutes is what she posts. No editing her thoughts.

Today, her topic choice is "Motherhood should come with…"

So I'm going to set the timer, write some thoughts, and then I'm going to stop.

Ready? Set. Go.

::

"Motherhood should come with" initially feels like a funny topic for me to write about. I mean, being a childless woman and all, I don't really have a clue.

So, I guess from my perspective, I think motherhood should come with a friend who is childless.

Why?

I think what a mom sometimes wants is for another person to love their child with extreme abandon. A person who doesn't put another child in front of their own as a measuring stick.

Because let's be realistic… every mother thinks no child could possibly be more amazing than her own child. And she's right. Every single mother is right about that. Every child needs a mother who thinks they hung the moon, and every one of those mothers needs someone who will say, "You're totally right. Your child *is* absolutely that amazing."

I get to be that person. And I love it.

When motherhood comes with a childless friend, you get to have someone to tell your woes to who won't tell you she has it worse with her own kids. You have someone to celebrate your child's accomplishment with, and the childless friend will think it's amazing because she has no frame of reference from which to judge it. You have someone you can share your concerns with and she won't tell you that you're overreacting, but instead hold your hand while you find out the answers.

Best of all, when you're a mother that comes with a childless friend, you have someone who will love your child with every inch of her heart. Completely. Because she won't have her own to trump that space.

I just want to say to all of my friends who are mothers…

You come with a cape to be your child's superhero. You come with a heart full of love that flows out onto your kids every day. You have a mind full of hope for who they can be in this world. You have a soul full of Jesus that pours into them so that whoever they do become will mirror Him.

I admire each and every one of you. I am in awe of you. And I'm so grateful that you let me be the childless friend you carry with you on your journey.

Because I wound up being the childless friend with a life full of children.

Thank you for that. It's been the joy of my life.