You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair. ~ Chinese Proverb
Not only did the mental image of this proverb make me chuckle, it also made me crave Chinese food. Just thought you’d like to know that. :)
So, it appears I’ve got some birds of sorrow swarming around here, and I’m afraid they are taking up residence for awhile. But I promise I’m not going to let them build any permanent nests in my hair. I keep wanting to ignore the stupid birds so I can tell you that things are looking up… that I’m turning a corner… that things are going to be back to normal in no time.
But here’s the thing… that’s just not the direction this seems to be going. I’m learning to accept the fact that it looks like this is [at best] going to either stay the same, or [more likely] keep getting worse before it gets better. Not what I was hoping for, but it is what it is. I did another step-down of the steroids on Sunday, and now I know that my body is liking each reduction less than the one before, with the pain and other effects of the Cushing’s becoming more amplified. It’s really exhausting, and the nurse today said that is probably how it will continue with each passing week.
It’s hard for me to know what to tell you, other than to just let you know this is how it will be for the next couple months. None of it is pretty, and the further into this we get, the more I am acutely aware that this will be a marathon and not a sprint… one that will continue after the steroids are out of my system. I can’t say I like it, but I’m starting to wrap my brain around it.
What I don't want to be, however, is a Debbie Downer and spend all of my energy checking in with you all and saying, "Wow, it's worse again this week!" Because really, where’s the fun in that? I figure if I have to be immersed in this cycle of pain and medications 24/7 in my body, I should at least try to use my brain to escape it a little when I can. I promise I’ll keep being honest with you, and let you know if something big happens or changes, but for the next few months it’s safe to assume that I’m doing little else than managing my pain, taking meds and trying to get through what’s put in front of me.
So… when I do expend some energy here with all of you, I might make it about silly and frivolous things sometimes, simply for my own sanity. I don’t want to mislead you into thinking all is well on those days, but I’m trying so very hard to make sure those annoying birds don’t build a nest in my hair … which means that along with the real life and the contemplative, I’m going to try to choose the joy on here as much as I’m able.
Now, just because you can, go do something silly or joyful today. Even if it’s just to close your eyes and soak up the sun for a moment. Take a minute in the middle of your day and consciously CHOOSE JOY.
It’ll help keep the birds out of your hair.