Built in Breather

Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly.
                    -St. Francis de Sales

I used to read this quote and think that wasn't a big issue for me. I know my limitations. I know who and what I will never be.

Like, you know, I will never be in a career that involves math.

But when I read this quote today I looked at it from another angle. Because what I am is not what I used to be.

And I like who I used to be. So it's a bit hard not to wish for that back.

I'm not talking about things like going outside or singing at church or attending events or running around a track. I'm not talking about the big, obvious things. It's the little things.

The ways I used to be there for people even after I was homebound. The way I used to keep my inbox at zero and get back to people in a timely manner. The way I used to drop people notes in the mail for no reason and check in on people through Facebook and spend evenings talking with friends on Twitter. Checking in. Making sure everyone was well and knew they were thought of and cared about.

The little things that require energy and stamina and the tiniest bit of health.

Those things, the energy things, are not who I am anymore. And it's frustrating me because I'm still trying to do them and not doing them perfectly.

One way I've tried to hold onto that version of me is to show up here every day. To not worry you guys when I go missing. I don't lie and say I'm well, but I certainly do my best to try to appear as strong as I can be. I like the me I used to be who never struggled to sit up and type, who painted canvases to raffle off to you all and who doodled little freebies every week. I used to be the girl who created no matter what.

And while creating still gives me joy, it's not helping my health situation. And that means I'm not being perfectly who I am.

Because the truth is that my health has been on a downhill slide. Infections that used to clear up after a couple rounds of antibiotics are now getting worse instead of better after weeks of treatment. And breathing actually requires concentration. And exhaustion hits in ways that means more than being crazy tired. Exhaustion means my brain screams at my arms to move and nothing happens. There's just no energy there.

I'm not good at admitting that. But I'm admitting it anyway. Because I need to be a little kinder to myself.

I'm going to start by giving myself a break on Thursdays… because I'm finding by that point in the week I'm pretty spent. Don't worry… I'm still going to blog incessantly all the other days. I'm just going to see how it feels to give myself permission to not have to sit up and create one day of the week. And if I randomly doodle something I think you'll like, I'll just give it away on a different day. :)

But that means we're done with YOU:create on here, and I have LOVED the way some of you have started to bring creativity back in your lives. So I hope you keep creating on your own… taking that time that fills the space inside you where you find who you truly are.

I'm finding who I truly am, too. And trying to be perfectly me. In the here and now. Whether I like it or not. :)

YOU:create … for Vicky

"All Shall Be Well" is the phrase my friends Vicky and Robin and I have been constantly typing to each other this past week.

In this one week, Vicky's life changed on a dime. Breast cancer just aren't words a person is ever prepared to hear. "Invasive" and "aggressive" and "stage three" are ones you never want to hear behind them.

In this one week, Vicky has gone from an ultrasound to mammogram to biopsy to diagnosis. Today she will have a PET scan to be sure it hasn't spread further than they think, and tomorrow she begins chemotherapy.

One week.

A whole new world.

A whole new language of medicine and stages and treatments.

But she will have the same people who love her, standing with her and beside her. Loving her and praying for her and supporting her every step of the way.

Vicky was one of my very first blog friends. She has peppered me with questions that have challenged me and prompted me to look deeper and write deeper. She held me up when I felt weak, and when our Dads died within days of each other, we grieved together.

Now, we are going to fight together.

Will you join me in praying for my friend?

<center><a href="http://thewestraworld.blogspot.com/"><img src=" https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/_lCeOMfY0_fQ/TYp8Y0GrvoI/AAAAAAAAFK0/9M7l5_WNwlk/s200/vicky%20button.jpg"/></a></center>

For my project this week, I created the blog button you see above. That's our smiling Vicky… all shall be well is her motto. If you want to visit her blog and leave her a comment of support, just click on the button. If you want to add the button to your sidebar, right click within the box underneath to select all, copy and then paste it into your own blog. It will remain available on my sidebar under "Blog Buttons."

Thanks in advance for supporting and loving on Vicky. She is one in a million.

I can’t wait to see what you guys came up with this week! Just click below and follow the instructions to link to your project. When it asks you to choose the web or a file for your thumbnail, choose web. Then it will take you to a list of the images on the page you are linking to and you’ll be able to choose a photo to represent your project.

YOU:create … Gitz Bits :)

Because I apparently have the stamina of a tree sloth {do sloths actually live in trees? or did I just make that up?}, I am getting "creative" {otherwise known as "cheating"} by creating a Gitz Bits for the week and letting it qualify as my YOU:create project.

:)

Monday, March 7, 2011

This is my friend Mary's daughter, Annalyn. And yes, that is my head on a stick. :)

When they came to visit me last year, Annalyn and I became fast buddies. And since I can't get out and about, they have decided to take me with them in a "Flat Stanley" sense and take pictures of some of the places they go.

This is one of the pictures I received of them as "we" went out for dinner. It totally cracks me up to see Annalyn proudly carrying me around with her … she's such a little ham!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Just when the birds had me convinced that spring had sprung... welcome to Iowa.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Can you say comfort food?

So, I wasn't really planning on mentioning my weekly Operation Sara packages because I was afraid that you'd all think I wanted you to send me stuff {not my intention at all}. But then I did last Friday's 5 minute post and that's what came to my mind in those five minutes so that's what I wrote about.

But I'm glad the cat is out of the bag because getting a package in the mail is by far my most exciting moment each week, and I can't help but show some of it to you in Gitz Bits!

These BBQ chips came in one of those packages and - OH MY WORD – I had not had chips in forever. It was an insane sort of fun treat. I wish I could tell you the whole bag isn't gone, but let's be real.

Those chips are history. :)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I try to open and shut my door as quickly as possible to not let any of the unpurified air in, which means I looked ridiculous taking this photo.

Every Thursday I leave my garbage from the week outside my hall door, and Linda takes it out for me. In its place, she leaves my grocery order for the week. I've termed it "Garbage for Groceries" and I definitely get the better end of the deal.

I'm thinking my neighbors would have thought I was crazy if they had seen me put the garbage there and shut my door quickly, then get the camera ready to go, opening and shutting the door as fast as possible while also snapping a photo for the blog.

At some point in there it occurred to me that I have a ridiculous life. :)

Friday, March 11, 2011

This is my favorite photo of the week. I don't know if you noticed, but the sky is blue and there is no snow on the roof.

In case you're wondering, those two facts makes this spring-craving girl very, very happy.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

These two girls also made me very, very happy.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

They also made me a birthday cake on Sunday, since it was exactly two months until my birthday. {We make any excuse for a party.} Miss Anna asked my favorite colors and I told her I liked green and orange, so those are the colors that went into making the cake, and Miss Sophia then did all of the sprinkle/red hot decorating.

Once it was all said and done we decided to call it the "Oscar the Grouch" cake due to the obvious resemblance. :)

I'm not naming names {yes, I am}, but someone {namely, me} may or may not have eaten this for breakfast Sunday, Monday and Tuesday mornings {oh, yes I did}.

And despite the name of the cake, it did not make me grouchy.

I can’t wait to see what you guys came up with this week! Just click below and follow the instructions to link to your project. When it asks you to choose the web or a file for your thumbnail, choose web. Then it will take you to a list of the images on the page you are linking to and you’ll be able to choose a photo to represent your project.

YOU:create … week 27

Hey, guys… I know, it's the wrong day to have a YOU:create link up. :) But tomorrow I'm scheduled to post over at (in)courage, so I am doing your free download of doodles today instead.

No worries if you normally participate and don't have your own creative project ready to go… you can come back tomorrow and still link up. I just wanted to make sure it was available at some point this week!

Today I am posting some more card options for you all. I find that I often just want to check in with people simply to let them know they are being thought of and loved. It's not always because they need a get well card, and it's not always on their birthday or a special occasion. So I made you all some "just a note" cards for those times when… well… it's just a note. :)

Here's what's in today's download:

If you'd like a copy of these doodles for yourself, all you have to do is click the button and it will take you to the download page:

I can’t wait to see what you guys came up with this week! Just click below and follow the instructions to link to your project. When it asks you to choose the web or a file for your thumbnail, choose web. Then it will take you to a list of the images on the page you are linking to and you’ll be able to choose a photo to represent your project.

YOU:create … week 26

It's a special YOU:create canvas day! And not only will there be a winner here, you all could help someone else win today, too…

One of my (in)courage sisters, Heather, is a fighter of a mom. She is surviving cancer herself and is doing everything she can for her daughter, Emma. Emma was born with mitochondrial disease, has gone through a heart transplant and eventually was diagnosed with Transplant Coronary Artery disease.

It's been a tough road. Emma is now 9, and due to seizures has lost her ability to effectively communicate. So we are helping Heather raise money to get Emma an iPad and the related software she needs in order to put words and images to what she so badly wants [and needs] to say.

Here's where we come in.

I made this canvas as a giveaway today, but I also made three more exactly like it that Heather is going to be selling on her Etsy page – starting tomorrow - to help raise funds. If you'd like one of these canvases, you can head over to her site on Friday and purchase one.

There are only three, so it's first come, first serve.

I have to be honest and say these canvases will probably be the last I do for awhile. It was much harder to stand and make them than I even thought it would be, and bending over my table has my spine screaming profanities at me that would scare your grandma. :)

I may be getting a taller table eventually, but until that happens it's just not smart [or kind] to my body to make them the way I have been. Those who have inquired about ordering canvases: this was my "test run" of sorts, so I won't be making them soon. I am keeping all the emails of canvas requests in a folder, however, so when/if I'm able to make more I will contact you as I'm able and see if you're still interested.

In the meantime, leave a comment below before midnight CST to try and win today's canvas. If you don't win it and want one [or three :)] you can head on over to Heather's Etsy site to buy one there tomorrow. I'll have random.org pick a winner and announce it in tomorrow's post!

Good luck :)

:: Side note: if you'd like to read more about Emma and Heather, you can go to her blog. :)

I can’t wait to see what you guys came up with this week! Just click below and follow the instructions to link to your project. When it asks you to choose the web or a file for your thumbnail, choose web. Then it will take you to a list of the images on the page you are linking to and you’ll be able to choose a photo to represent your project.

YOU:create … week 25

Well, it looks like the One Word doodles were a hit … because I had a few requests to add some late submissions. :) I loved getting to doodle these, so I've added the following words to today's YOU:create download:

allow
engage
eucharisteo
faithfulness
gentleness
goodness
light
mindful
prayer
self-control
servant
transform
whole
yes

Here are a few examples:

You can download these additional words here: DOWNLOAD

Also, at some point the link for the words in the first post stopped working, so I re-uploaded the original words. If you had problems getting them, the new link to download the 62 words from a few weeks ago is here: ORIGINAL WORDS

::

I also had another idea that I'd like your feedback on. Last week I wrote about "Selah" and happened to remember that I had made a word doodle for it, so I used it to start the post.

Are there any of these words that you would like me to talk about? Is there a certain angle on any of the words that you want me to write on and discuss? You can go back to the One Little Word post to see all the words to choose from, as well as the words listed today. If you do want me to talk about any of them, just let me know in the comment section and I'll work my way down the list. :)

I can’t wait to see what you guys came up with this week! Just click below and follow the instructions to link to your project. When it asks you to choose the web or a file for your thumbnail, choose web. Then it will take you to a list of the images on the page you are linking to and you’ll be able to choose a photo to represent your project.

YOU:create ... week 24

I got an email last week from a reader who was in desperate need of some original valentines to send to friends and family. So I doodled together a few little sayings that you can print out on a card or stationery or whatever your big hearts desire.

In lieu of candy, consider it my Valentine's Day gift to all of you. Which, of course, means you have to be my valentine. :) Just don't tell Riley. He's the jealous type.

If you'd like a copy of these doodles for yourself, all you have to do is click the button and it will take you to the download page:

I can’t wait to see what you guys came up with this week! Just click below and follow the instructions to link to your project. When it asks you to choose the web or a file for your thumbnail, choose web. Then it will take you to a list of the images on the page you are linking to and you’ll be able to choose a photo to represent your project.

YOU:create ... week 23

I finally finished them!

I have all 62 of your One Little Words saved to .png files and ready for you to download and use.

Here's the list of words included in the download:

alertness
alive
believe
can
chronicle
compassion
constant
control
courage
dance
delight
discipline
encourage
enough
expectation
faith
fearless
feeling
focus
forward
freedom
grace
gracious
gratitude
heal
healed
honor
hope
humbly serve
humility
intentional
joy
kindness
listen
live
look
love
loyalty
moment
momentum
more of Him... less of me
now
obey
open
patience
peace
plank
praise
pray
seek
selah
serve
shalam
shalom
stewardship
still
surrender
thankful
trust
vision
wonder
yearn

And here are a few random examples to show you what the words look like:

If you'd like a copy of these word doodles for yourself, all you have to do is click the button and it will take you to the download page:

DOWNLOAD

I hope having your word displayed somewhere prominent helps you throughout this year, and that the other words fill you with inspiration. I know they certainly did that for me. I thought of each of you as I wrote them out and prayed that your year was filled with much learning and grace.

I can’t wait to see what you guys came up with this week! Just click below and follow the instructions to link to your project. When it asks you to choose the web or a file for your thumbnail, choose web. Then it will take you to a list of the images on the page you are linking to and you’ll be able to choose a photo to represent your project.