Let The Birthday Begin!

I'm not usually one to shout from the rooftops when it's my birthday. It's not because I don't like getting older or anything... At this point, the fact that I made it through the past year with my sanity intact is reason enough to throw a party. ;)

No, I decided awhile ago that age doesn't really matter to me much. I think getting older bothers most people because they use it as a benchmark for what they have or have not accomplished. For me, benchmarks of accomplishment went out the window when disability set in. So, when Thursday the 13th rolls around and I hit 37 [yep, three - seven] I figure I will be exactly where I am meant to be, and doing exactly what I am meant to be doing.

And I will be doing it with an iPad!!!!!!

Can you believe it?

That's why I'm declaring the upcoming status of my birthday… I got an early birthday gift and I couldn't wait to tell you about it. Or, more accurately, brag about it.

Whatever. ;)

Isn't she pretty? Yes, I called my new iPad a “she.” After sarcastic consultation with many friends on Twitter, we determined that since Riley and George [my walker] are both of the male persuasion, I need a female to even things out. So, I'd like to introduce you to Padma.

Humor me, people. I spend my days isolated in a condo. I gotta create company where I can. ;)

I wish you all could have seen me when I got this package from UPS, opened it up and saw this:

 [note: my family really does call me Gitz, as you can see by the envelope]

I’ve never had a bag with an apple on the front of it before. So, when I pulled away the bag and saw this:

I pretty much lost all sense of reason, speech and mobility.

I opened the card and discovered that my brother Steve and sisters, Laura and Janette, got me this lovely iPad for my birthday. But more than being lovely, it’s going to functionally change things for me immensely.

Actually, it already has.

Quite a few things have gotten more difficult for me to do in the past year, and one of those things is working with my laptop resting on my legs. The pressure of its weight sets off pain from some nerve damage that’s occurred.

If I could use the computer at a desk it would be a different story, but since I am usually on the couch or in bed, that’s just not an option. But this thing… it’s so light and portable and, other than working on photos or digital scrapbooks, it does everything I need to do during the day.

Including blog!

But the best part of this ridiculously kind and generous and thoughtful gift? The card that came with it. The one that said they loved me and were so proud of how I’m living my life.

That’s the part I’ll treasure most.

Flashback Friday: Dedicated to Nashville

My mom called me last weekend, with concern in her voice, asking if my friends in Nashville were ok.

It’s amazing how much our vocabulary of people and places has changed since I started blogging. I have people I love in so many places now, and when their circumstances are dire, my heart hurts right along with them. Especially during this flood, I find myself remembering too vividly when we watched so many friends and neighbors devastated in our area by widespread flooding.

So, this Flashback Friday post is for all my friends in Tennessee. You are all loved and prayed for…

Pick A Road
[originally posted: June 30, 2008]

You know the Robert Frost poem about two roads diverging in the woods? It's been popping into my head a lot lately and makes me wonder if it may be how God works with free will.

I know, it's scary to think about how my brain works, isn't it?

Bear with me. I've been watching a lot of news coverage about the horrible effects of the floods around my area. At first it was a constant state of urgency about the water levels and people needing to evacuate different neighborhoods. One news station was running solely on generators and kept apologizing for the fact they hadn't showered in three days because they were in the heart of the hardest hit area and had no running water.

To be honest, that part of the tragedy was easier to watch.

Now we are hearing about the long-term effects. The contamination. The waste. The ruined homes. The plans to demolish. The homeless. The jobless. The exhaustion. It breaks my heart. And somehow, so many of the people interviewed talk about the hope they feel, the resolve to rebuild and make their lives strong again. You can tell it's at the core of who they are, because it's their instinct to believe in hope even when their eyes are so very weary.

There was recently a news piece about a church community that had lost their building, and another faith denomination had offered their church as a place of worship. The interviewer was asking different people about their situations and how their faith has pulled them through. Some people said they knew things were going to be ok and they couldn't make it without their faith. Others just simply said they didn't know how God could do this to them. And I think it's a valid question; when you talk about God having a plan for us... then wouldn't the bad stuff be in His plan as well? But that question lacks a key component: free will.

Free will means that stuff is going to happen. We make choices every day that affect the outcome of our lives. We choose where to live. We choose who to marry. We make decisions about our education or having children or where to have dinner. People with more power in society decided where to build towns and levies and infrastructure.

And then it rains.

I don't think God looked around this Earth and decided one day to mess with the people of Iowa. I think all of our decisions and our ancestors' decisions came together with a natural rain and it created an opportunity for a flood. Free will. Stuff happens. Could God stop it all? You bet. But He promised us He wouldn't. He gave us free will and the opportunity to make ourselves strong again.

That's where the poem comes into play. (I told you my brain would take you there eventually.)

I think in front of every person who is hurt, God lays out paths in front of them... roads, if you will. I don't think one is necessarily better than the other, but they are choices for us to make. You can rebuild your home, you can move away, you can relocate to higher ground. And whichever road you choose to walk down, I think God is on it making sure you see the potholes you could fall in, the pebbles you could trip over and the sunshine that could warm your face through the trees. In every instance, I truly believe He is putting the possibility of blessings on your path if you're willing to reach out and take them.

I'm not so crazy as to believe any one of the roads will be easy. You might choose a road of self-pity and despair for awhile, but eventually you'll stumble on a blessing that will make your path smoother. It's not about God making sure bad stuff never happens. It's about the fact that He holds us when it does. That's what dad's do best. They don't stop you from trying new things. They don't tell you not to take any chances. They cheer you on when you choose to try. They tell you that anything is possible. And when you mess up, when you fail, when you fall... a dad picks you up, brushes you off and wipes your tears away. Then he tells you to try again.

The flood victims are in the stage where they need to be brushed off and their tears wiped away, but I believe with my whole heart that there will be roads diverging in front of them, and God will be there cheering them on as they try again. Because that's what fathers do.

Please Let This Break Your Heart: Part 2

Yes, I’m posting twice today.

Here’s the thing… The Pioneer Woman is having her 4th anniversary of blogging celebration this week. She is giving away Nikon cameras and Kitchen Aid mixers and iPads.

Yes, I’m entering for all of them.

But the truth of the matter is, I already won her greatest gift. She chose me to correspond with one of the older children that she has paid to sponsor through Compassion. I get to hear from Tsegaye and how he is doing in school and at home… I get to read his words as he now understands that God loves him and provides for him. He is grateful in his circumstances. I have learned so much from him.

When I look at the amazing work World Vision is doing, it makes me want to do more. It makes me want to post twice in one day so you can read these words from Matthew. Words that are hard to read, to apply to our own lives, to imagine a parent ever having to think.

But they do. They live in the world he describes, and we can help them replace these questions with life giving ones. Matthew had the suggestion that if you can’t afford to sponsor a child yourself, maybe you could sponsor with a group of friends. Maybe you can help a child and their family with extended members of your own family.

We’re asking you to read this. And think about it. And pray about it. Because their reality is something we can’t even imagine.

This is a picture of the slum in Santo Domingo.

The slum. Look at it. Smell it. Feel it. Can you taste it?

What would YOU do if you’d been born here? In the slum? In the Santo Domingo slum? What would you do?

Would you stay? Would you runaway? Would you have a choice to stay or runaway?

Would YOU know your father? Your mother? Would you trust your father or mother? Would you? COULD you?

Would you try to run away? Over and over again? Would you TRY to run away?

Would you knock your girlfriend up and then leave? Leave HER to raise your baby alone. Would you do that?

You wouldn’t do that, would you?

Would you sell drugs? Would you USE drugs? Would you use your children to sell drugs in hopes that it would buy YOU more drugs?

Would you find community in the company of gang members? Yep, I used the word “community.” Would gang members be your friends? Would violence define your relationships?

Would you use FEAR to get people to talk to you? To like you? To do things for you?

Would you sell your body?

Would YOU sell your body?

Would you sell YOUR body?

Would you sell YOUR child’s body? Would you? Would you have a choice?

What if your babies needed food?

Would you sell your child’s body?

What if your husband left you with six kids?

Would you sell your child’s body?

What if you had HIV and no way to get medication? Would…

YOU?

Sell your child’s body?

Not for thrill. Not for extra cash. But to survive. Would YOU SELL YOUR CHILD’S BODY?

Would you lose everything in a flood? Would you return to the slum after the flood? What if you didn’t know any different? Would YOU return?

Again and again and again? Would you?

YOU?!

Would you save somebody if you could? Would YOU? Save somebody? Would you?

Poverty asks a lot of questions. Few answers.

How would YOU answer?

World Vision needs your help. Together we can stop poverty from asking the questions.Would you click this link to help?

Would YOU?

Please Let This Break Your Heart

Have you guys been following Jessica’s and Matthew’s blogs this week? I have. And they have broken my heart over, and over, and over again.

In a good way.

In that way that makes me realize I have such first world problems. I’m struggling with how to maneuver my laptop on my bed so I can type with less pain. But to struggle with that, it means I have a home, electricity, a bed and a computer. I am so overwhelmingly blessed to have such problems. Jess and Matthew are in the Dominican Republic this week, blogging for World Vision, and I can feel in their words that they have been changed. I am so proud they are my friends and that they are so obedient to the urging in their hearts to look beyond themselves and serve.

As Jessica has said, she simply wants to teach their son Elias to love God and love people. She is absolutely teaching him by example this week.

I had a hard time choosing a post of theirs to put on here for you to read today, so when you finish, go click on their names at the top of this post and read all they have written. And let it break your heart so it has room to fit in the children of the Dominican Republic.

A Mother's Story

It is hard for me to know where to begin.

The impact World Vision has on communities is astounding.

They provide means of generating an income.

They provide medical care.

They provide educational opportunities.

They provide hope for the future.

They provide love.

I have so many stories to share, but as a mother, this is one that really struck me, and I feel lead to share it with you tonight.

World Vision helped to provide the materials necessary for a small community to build stable housing and sanitation facilities. They took extremely unsafe homes that were made of dilapidated boards and built new homes like this:

We were welcomed into one of these homes by a single-mother named Olga. She is the mother of seven children ranging from ages 4-21. Five of her children are sponsored through World Vision.

She has lived in the small community her whole life. She told us that before World Vision came, the community was like a garbage dump.

A garbage dump. 

Her family lived on the street.

But because of World Vision, she now lives in a safe, structurally sound home. She sells fruits and vegetables in a small stand on the side of the road to make an income and provide for her family.

Thanks to World Vision's child sponsorship program, her children have access to medical care. She said that her daughter was once very sick, but because of World Vision, doctors were able to find the treatment she needed.
Can you imagine caring for seven children, while living on the street?

What would you do when it rained?

How would you feel safe?

Thankfully, Olga feels safe now. Her children are sheltered. They have access to medical care.

World Vision gave this mother and her children hope.

And hearing her story gave me hope too.

Will you give hope to a mother like Olga and sponsor a child through World Vision? Child sponsorship doesn't stop with the child. Its impact spreads to families and communities. $35 a month is nothing to most Americans. I spend that on going out to lunch a few times a month. But that small amount can literally save a child - a family - from so much suffering.

Equal Weight

I was on Twitter awhile ago when a friend of mine tweeted that she had an opportunity to go to Europe and wasn’t sure if she should take it or not.

I said YES. DO. GO. Don’t miss the opportunity to do something amazing when you have no idea what tomorrow brings!

I was all for it.

I didn’t ask what the cons would be. I didn’t ask if it fit into her life. I didn’t ask anything… I just said go. That’s often my response to things these days, because I don’t want my missed opportunities to be your missed opportunities. I want to scream for people to take risks, take trips, do what scares you and do it afraid. DON’T WAIT.

I had so many things I dreamed of doing… so many things I was sure I would do. I never dreamed my life would be limited so quickly and so early. I dreamed of a career and family and travel. I thought I’d go to Europe, spend time in New York, see a Broadway play and experience life in all its fullness.

I didn’t do those things, and I didn’t want anyone else to wait to experience them either.

But I have to tell you, I think I was wrong. While taking risks and not waiting for life to be perfect can be good, and even necessary sometimes, I have to remember that not everyone’s lives are going to turn out like mine. Not every opportunity is the last chance for most people. Many get second and even third chances to do what they dream.

The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
                                                           - Carl Jung

And more importantly, what you do while you let opportunities pass you by can be just as influential as the trips and the experiences. I sat, thinking of all the places I might have gone and things I might have done, and I tried to imagine which parts of my life I would have given up to make that happen.

Would I have wanted to miss any part of my college experience to be an exchange student? Who would I have missed meeting here? What experiences would be missing from my life if I had chosen another path?

What about all those games and recitals I watched when my nieces and nephews were little? Or the lazy afternoons with my friends and their kids at the pool in the summer? Would I have wanted to give up any one of those moments to see a Broadway musical?

I didn’t know then that I would eventually come to this place. I didn’t know I would be in a situation where walking out my front door would be considered an impossibility. And I can tell you that I long for games and recitals more than I long to see Wicked on stage in New York. I dream of lazy afternoons poolside more than I dream of seeing Tuscany.

I realized that, while I am telling people to not miss a chance or moment or opportunity, the truth is that each one of those grand opportunities may replace a simpler one. A life-giving one. A precious one that will leave you with a memory, which can fill up your lonely spaces.

I missed out on a lot of life experiences, which causes me to want to make sure no one else does the same.

But I have more precious memories that I wouldn’t trade for any grand trip or excursion.

So the next time you are deciding between here or there… deciding between grand trips or simple outings… I am only going to give you one piece of advice:

Savor your moments. Big and small. Because both have equal weight.

Gitz Bits 2010: Week 17

Welcome, everyone!

Since Jessica is currently in the Dominican Republic for her World Vision blogger trip, I’m hosting Project Life Tuesday for her today. Everything is as usual… there is a Linky at the bottom of the post to link back to your Project Life post for the week. If any of you have been thinking about trying Project Life, you should check out the sites that link to this post… it’s amazing to see how everyone has made this project their own!

I know Jessica has been so excited, nervous and ready to take this trip for World Vision… I encourage you all to click the button below this week and follow her journey. There are so many lives that will be changed by this trip… obviously all the children that will be sponsored, but also Jessica, Matthew and all of us who take the journey with them.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Well, I usually try to add a little more fun and flavor to my Gitz Bits posts, but since this is called Project Life, I figured I’d show you a little real life this time. I kept my camera by the bed this week and shot what was actually around me, because sometimes my life means not being able to get out of bed.

On these kinds of weeks, instead of getting around the condo I just bring whatever I need in the condo to bed with me. Needless to say, Riley tends to lay wherever I am. He’s convenient like that. :)

Saturday, April 24, 2010

In case you were wondering, this is the main reason I’ve been in bed.

All. The. Time.

I was so excited when the end to winter came and the freezing cold weather dissipated, because that usually means a little more freedom in my joints. What I tend to forget, however, is that Spring storms are quite literally the death of me. Since my pain is always high, I can only describe the new levels as intense. And when a front comes through I get dizzy and nauseous… it reminds me of that scene in Phenomenon when John Travolta can randomly feel and predict an earthquake.

Seriously. I am more accurate than any meteorologist I’ve encountered.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

I ended up putting this computer stand by my bed and it’s come in handy as my catch-all. What more could a girl need than a book, a phone, and her iPod Touch?

Monday, April 26, 2010

Seriously, people. He is LOVING this new arrangement. Even though there is more room to spread out on the bed, he is either snuggled into my side or laying by my legs. This new, larger location doesn’t change the fact that he must be touching me at all times.

Isn’t he the cutest thing ever? Hanging out in bed all day isn’t ideal, but Riley certainly does make it a more pleasant day.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Not to beat a dead horse or anything… but SERIOUSLY.

I’m so over these storms.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

He’s not going to be happy when I’m up and around and hanging out on the couch again. When I do get up now he tends to hang out by the bedroom door just waiting for me to head back to the comfort and leisure of his very own bed.

Yes, I said his bed. Because let’s face it, people… I am just here for his amusement.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

But if we want to look for the silver lining, and we always want to look for the silver lining, would you look at those hosta?!?! They are finally sprouting up and beckoning the sun to return and shine on them.

And… I heard birds out my window! My wrens didn’t stick around very long last year, but I think they are finally taking up residence in my birdhouse again. There’s nothing happier than the sound of baby birds trying out their voice.

Here’s to hoping for fewer photos from bed next week! :)

(in)courage: You Can't Fix What Isn't Broken

Something crazy and exciting happened to me recently that I’ve been dying to tell you all about. Why did I wait? To make sure these lovely ladies didn’t change their minds. :)

Remember when I guest posted for (in)courage awhile back? I wrote a post called I Surrender, and shortly after it posted they asked me if I’d like to be a regular contributor.

YES. I’M SERIOUS.

So, once a month I’m going to be writing for the (in)courage blog … honored and humbled seem to be the two h-words that keep coming to mind. If you don’t read there regularly, I highly recommend it. The group of women who contribute are insightful and inspiring… again, all I can say is honored and humbled. And they were even patient with me when it took me an entire month to send them a bio for the “About” page. It took me that long to come up with a description of my life beyond being Riley’s go-to girl for dog treats. :)

Below is the start of my post, “You Can’t Fix What Isn’t Broken.” Follow the link to read the rest on the (in)courage site.

I used to be afraid.

When I was little, I had such a fear of something happening to my parents… I would wake up from dreams of them dying or disappearing… not being able to fathom how life could exist without them.

What would I do?

Where would I go?

My godmother was a Presentation Sister, so I wondered if I would go live with her at the Mother House with all of the nuns if something happened to my parents.

[Not that I would’ve minded that option. They were obviously grooming me early anyway. :)]

Regardless, I worried. I wondered. I let fear overtake my dreams.

Mom would sit on the bed and tell me they had no plans of ever going anywhere. She’d tell me she was healthy; she’d remind me of how strong Dad was and that if he could lift me and throw me above his head, he was certainly strong enough to conquer just about anything else that came his way. I figured that made sense.

Besides, she was my mom. I trusted her. That’s really all it took.

When I got sick in my 20s, that fear crept back in. Not of losing my parents this time, but of losing my life. I wasn’t afraid that I would die, but that I would get to a point where I wouldn’t really be living anymore…

Click the following link (in)courage – You Can’t Fix What Isn’t Broken to read the rest of the story…

Edited to add complete post:

I used to be afraid.

When I was little, I had such a fear of something happening to my parents… I would wake up from dreams of them dying or disappearing… not being able to fathom how life could exist without them. What would I do? Where would I go? My godmother was a Presentation Sister, so I wondered if I would go live with her at the Mother House with all of the nuns if something happened to my parents.

[Not that I would’ve minded that option. They were obviously grooming me early anyway. :)]

Regardless, I worried. I wondered. I let fear overtake my dreams.

Mom would sit on the bed and tell me they had no plans of ever going anywhere. She’d tell me she was healthy; she’d remind me of how strong Dad was and that if he could lift me and throw me above his head, he was certainly strong enough to conquer just about anything else that came his way. I figured that made sense.

Besides, she was my mom. I trusted her. That’s really all it took.

When I got sick in my 20s, that fear crept back in. Not of losing my parents this time, but of losing my life. I wasn’t afraid that I would die, but that I would get to a point where I wouldn’t really be living anymore.

I knew how hard it was to cope with the pain and the changes this disease was bringing into my life already, and each time I would do a little research… trying to be informed and ready for whatever lay ahead… I would read about how much more could happen to me.

The progression of Ankylosing Spondylitis is different for everyone. Not everyone becomes disabled, not everyone has all of their systems affected, not everyone becomes like I am today. But I knew it could happen because I had read the stories.

I was, once again, afraid.

But this time, so was everyone else. The look of fear that flickered across the faces of those who loved me when they would ask how bad it could get simply reflected the fear in my own. No one knew the answers. I still don’t know the answer. I only know what I’ll go through as I go through it.

And going through it has been scary. And I have been afraid.

But then one day, the thought passed through my head that if I really trusted God, if I really believed that He cared about every hair on my head, I had nothing to fear. Regardless of what would come into my life, He would make sure I was well.

I had an image in my head of me, standing on a beach with the water lapping against the shoreline. I pictured a line being drawn in the sand and I knew in that moment I could choose Him, or I could choose fear. But I couldn’t choose both…they couldn’t coexist together.

I chose Him.

I chose to believe in God just as much as I believed in my mother’s words when I was a scared little girl.

I chose to trust Him.

Recently, I’ve been asked by many people how I can do that. How can I trust someone, even if that someone is God, when I know that He could have spared me from all of this? How can I trust a God who allows hurt to happen when He has the power to take it all away?

My answer: God fixes what is broken. I trust Him to fix my broken places.

But you can’t fix what isn’t broken.

I don’t believe God did this to me to teach a lesson or to prove a point. There are many reasons I could be sick, and Him inflicting this on me isn’t one of them. But I do believe He didn’t stop it for a reason. Life breaks us sometimes. We have the free will to make decisions that will break us. Other people have the free will to take actions that will break us. Genetics can play a role in making us sick, and that can break us.

I have been through things that have broken my life. And I trust Him to never leave me there. He is the Father who will pick me up when I am fallen, broken, hurt, tired. And He is the Father who fixes me in those broken places. He fixes my spirit, my heart, my sadness, my loneliness. He brings joy and peace and refuge so I am stronger now than before I was broken.

He watched the pieces fall apart, but only so He could put me back together the right way. When life happens and I feel like things are falling apart, breaking into pieces, I just remind myself that He can’t fix what isn’t broken.

And I trust Him to make me whole in the image of His sight, not mine.

As it should be.