I know that sounds ridiculous - I never really feel well... but it's been more than my usual. I've been feeling weak and dizzy and nauseous more often than not. And last night as I woke periodically I was frustrated by the fact that in my dreams I felt unsteady and nauseous. I was searching constantly for the culprit and I would wake feeling as though I was falling. I just can't seem to escape it.
Just like in my dreams, in my waking moments I find myself constantly trying to seek out a reason: Is the pain causing it? Has my body just had enough of the pain and needs a break? I don't think so. I don't think it's any more intolerable than usual. Is it the weather? It must be the weather. It seems I am feeling bad right before a storm begins to approach. But I was at my worst when it almost missed us, passing by sheepishly and only offering a sprinkling of rain. But it definitely got better after the rain had passed.
Is it this unseen culprit in the air that has been torturing my lungs? This invisible antagonist that only seems to be pestering me? As I woke in the morning and nothing I did settled me I finally tried a Benadryl and it seemed to be a little better. Is all of this weakness and nausea due to that tainted air that got in my lungs and through my system?
It's maddening trying to figure it all out sometimes. There are too many factors... too many variables. The truth of the matter is that it's probably all of them creating a perfect storm on any given day. My immune system is weakened; my body is susceptible to the changing pressure in the atmosphere; it's sensitive to the unknown in the air these floods have probably left behind. And every fiber of my being wants to fight it off... figure out the culprit... find the solution... take the medicine. Energy wasted.
I glanced at my wall and saw this:
"It is such a folly to pass one's time fretting, instead of resting quietly on the heart of Jesus."
So I'm taking my own advice today. I'm going to stop searching and wondering and figuring it out. I do that enough in my sleep. Today I'm going to stop passing my time fretting. I'm going to lay down with my pup, watch a movie and rest quietly on the heart of Jesus.
Take a deep breath for a moment to do the same yourself...
It's a relief, isn't it? Maybe tomorrow my perfect storm will turn into a perfect rainbow. For today, I'm resting quietly.