5 minutes: on waiting

Today I'm linking up to Lisa-Jo aka gypsy mama, who chooses a topic every Friday and writes for five minutes.

Only five minutes.

And the rule is that whatever she writes about in that five minutes is what she posts. No editing her thoughts.

Today, her topic choice is "On Waiting…"

So I'm going to set the timer, write some thoughts, and then I'm going to stop.

Ready? Set. Go.

::

On Waiting.

Oh, the irony.

I am currently struggling with the waiting in my life. Not the obvious things… I mean, I am the queen at waiting for the obvious things. I wait while laying in bed for the dizziness to stop before getting up. I wait for medicines to kick in. I wait, watching the moments tick by on the clock when the medicine wears off and it's not yet time for my next dose.

I wait for my feet to steady, I wait and sit on George while I catch my breath on the way back from the kitchen. I wait for hours in the deepest of the night for some sort of sleep and rest to come to me.

I wait.

And I do it well. I have learned to be very patient. I sleep when sleep comes to me, I move when I can and lay still when I can't. I've learned to be very accepting of what my body requires of me.

But the waiting to know what comes next has been harder for me lately. Waiting to see if this new infection is going to get worse or better. Waiting to see how many rounds of antibiotics this one takes. Waiting to see if my limitations now are going to look like a cake walk compared to what they'll be in the future. Waiting to see what gets worse and how soon and how severe.

That's what happens to me when I see myself sliding. When I have to start looking my life dead in the face and start accepting new limitations.

And I wait then, too. Wait for my heart to catch up to my brain. Wait for the fit inside me that wants to come out to settle down so I can get back to my go-with-the-flow-girl attitude.

I wait. I'm waiting. And trying to learn a little patience with myself. I'm waiting for that the most.

YOU:create … Gitz Bits :)

Because I apparently have the stamina of a tree sloth {do sloths actually live in trees? or did I just make that up?}, I am getting "creative" {otherwise known as "cheating"} by creating a Gitz Bits for the week and letting it qualify as my YOU:create project.

:)

Monday, March 7, 2011

This is my friend Mary's daughter, Annalyn. And yes, that is my head on a stick. :)

When they came to visit me last year, Annalyn and I became fast buddies. And since I can't get out and about, they have decided to take me with them in a "Flat Stanley" sense and take pictures of some of the places they go.

This is one of the pictures I received of them as "we" went out for dinner. It totally cracks me up to see Annalyn proudly carrying me around with her … she's such a little ham!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Just when the birds had me convinced that spring had sprung... welcome to Iowa.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Can you say comfort food?

So, I wasn't really planning on mentioning my weekly Operation Sara packages because I was afraid that you'd all think I wanted you to send me stuff {not my intention at all}. But then I did last Friday's 5 minute post and that's what came to my mind in those five minutes so that's what I wrote about.

But I'm glad the cat is out of the bag because getting a package in the mail is by far my most exciting moment each week, and I can't help but show some of it to you in Gitz Bits!

These BBQ chips came in one of those packages and - OH MY WORD – I had not had chips in forever. It was an insane sort of fun treat. I wish I could tell you the whole bag isn't gone, but let's be real.

Those chips are history. :)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

I try to open and shut my door as quickly as possible to not let any of the unpurified air in, which means I looked ridiculous taking this photo.

Every Thursday I leave my garbage from the week outside my hall door, and Linda takes it out for me. In its place, she leaves my grocery order for the week. I've termed it "Garbage for Groceries" and I definitely get the better end of the deal.

I'm thinking my neighbors would have thought I was crazy if they had seen me put the garbage there and shut my door quickly, then get the camera ready to go, opening and shutting the door as fast as possible while also snapping a photo for the blog.

At some point in there it occurred to me that I have a ridiculous life. :)

Friday, March 11, 2011

This is my favorite photo of the week. I don't know if you noticed, but the sky is blue and there is no snow on the roof.

In case you're wondering, those two facts makes this spring-craving girl very, very happy.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

These two girls also made me very, very happy.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

They also made me a birthday cake on Sunday, since it was exactly two months until my birthday. {We make any excuse for a party.} Miss Anna asked my favorite colors and I told her I liked green and orange, so those are the colors that went into making the cake, and Miss Sophia then did all of the sprinkle/red hot decorating.

Once it was all said and done we decided to call it the "Oscar the Grouch" cake due to the obvious resemblance. :)

I'm not naming names {yes, I am}, but someone {namely, me} may or may not have eaten this for breakfast Sunday, Monday and Tuesday mornings {oh, yes I did}.

And despite the name of the cake, it did not make me grouchy.

I can’t wait to see what you guys came up with this week! Just click below and follow the instructions to link to your project. When it asks you to choose the web or a file for your thumbnail, choose web. Then it will take you to a list of the images on the page you are linking to and you’ll be able to choose a photo to represent your project.

Manic Monday

Why manic? Because it's the wee hours of Monday morning and it has JUST NOW occurred to me that I should have had something for you all to read come 12:01.

Oops. :)

See, I had people travel to visit me for their spring break vacation… so on Saturday evening, I went from snuggling with him:

To snuggling with them:

Which I personally think is a great trade. :) My friend Nicole {whom I adore} drove all the way from Kansas City with her two oldest beauties {Anna and Sophia} for no other reason than to make me happy.

She succeeded beautifully.

{this is me and Nic in our younger days…
I'm so blessed by her and her family.}

I will tell you about the ear wiggling and the coloring and the smoke detector that was set off by the sheer number of candles on my {early celebrated} birthday cake… but for now I need some serious rest so I can cuddle in bed with these beauties some more.

I may not get Gitz Bits up until Wednesday this week… I'm learning a lot about my stamina with visitors here and it's not exactly what I was hoping it would be, so today I may just have to listen to Nicole and be perfectly still and rest and get to the photos a day late.

Never let it be said I don't do what I'm told. :)

5 minutes: gracious love.

Today I'm linking up to Lisa-Jo aka gypsy mama, who chooses a topic every Friday and writes for five minutes.

Only five minutes.

And the rule is that whatever she writes about in that five minutes is what she posts. No editing her thoughts. Today, her topic choice is "I feel the most loved when..."

So I'm going to set the timer, write some thoughts, and then I'm going to stop.

Ready? Set. Go.

::

I feel the most loved when people do something as simple as remembering I exist.

Seriously.

I know it sounds silly, but it takes so very little for me to feel overwhelmed with love. When my friend Meg calls in the afternoon or Susie brings me a slush and remembers I like my sandwich without a tomato. It's the tiniest little things that make me realize at some point in their day, they remembered I'm here and that means that I mattered.

That's really all it takes. When one of you guys drops me a note or a card in the mail? I'm over the moon. When I get a comment on the blog? It means someone cared enough about what I said here in this little condo that they stopped what they were doing and told me their thoughts.

It totally matters.

When my mom calls because we haven't talked for a day and she wonders how I am. When my sister checks in on her way home from work. When I get a text from Alece just checking in or when Shannon texts because she's on the elliptical and wants to spend her free time talking to me.

I feel so loved.

Recently, some friends set up a system where they are making sure I get a package every week. {Jessica calls it "Operation Sara," like a CIA mission :)} Something in the mail from someone different… I never know who it's going to be, it's just something so I know they're out there and they know I'm in here.

It's a humbling love.

I am so ridiculously overwhelmed by it. And feel completely unworthy of all of it because I so often feel like I can't give enough back. I try to give 100% of myself to people, but I know my 100% isn't what it used to be… and the fact that no one is keeping track and just loving me anyway?

That's real love. Gracious love.

It's not big and grand and over the top.

It's the daily reminders that we're in it together.

::

Ok, this is a little addendum to the five minutes I rambled earlier: I am so hoping I didn't sound like I mean for you all to feel like you need to send me things... I love the notes I get but would never expect anything and promise I don't need a single thing. You all have such kind hearts... I just love you all and am incredibly grateful I get to share life with you. :)

Hope Awaits.

Swallowing the pills that start my every morning, I lie in bed waiting for them to settle. To take effect. For the shaking from the nighttime medications to wear off and my body to be ready.

Ready to move. Ready to incline more than the constant sitting position of my sleeping hours. Ready to swing my legs to the floor and lift myself up to balance against the bed and make my way to the walker.

So much waiting. So much preparing. So much anticipation to do something as simple as taking my first steps of the new day ahead.

And this day, as I listen to the rain tap my windows and I slowly rise to see if my sore feet will hold me, I freeze.

I hear them.

Singing.

The birds.

The birds that had abandoned me in the cold of winter, in the days that were dark and cloudy and too cold for the meek voices of the calling wren.

They had returned.

I was afraid to move, afraid that somehow they would sense a presence on the other side of the window. Afraid I would scare them away.

Scare away the singing hope of spring. A spring I had been waiting for even a fleeting sign of returning. Eventually the birds left to serenade another home and I moved on with the next steps of my day. But their song brought me hope of what's to come.

The waiting makes the singing hope of tiny birds sweeter somehow. The long, cold winter days make us long for a spring that we appreciate more because of its absence.

And so I begin Lent. I begin the waiting and the quiet and the absence of song… knowing that hope awaits. Hope returns. A mere 40 days away…

Gitz Bits: Week 9

Monday, February 28, 2011

Did you all know that chewy Sweetarts existed? And if you did, why didn't anyone ever tell me?!?! :)

I'm obviously addicted to the regular ones [you can see the box relegated to the background] but a friend sent me some chewy ones last week and OH. MY. WORD.

Yum.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Riley was less impressed than I was with the chewy candy. As you can tell in this photo, my excitement interrupted his well-earned sleep time under the covers. Poor dog is just prone to bad fur days with all that sleeping.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I seriously don't know what I did before my texting machine. I took a photo of it this day because I don't think I got a single thing done on Wednesday other than text with Shannon all day long.

I'm lucky she doesn't get bored of me. :)

Thursday, March 3, 2011

That handsome man is my favorite brother-in-law, Jeff. Everyone wave "Hi, Jeff!"

They were live-streaming my nephew's basketball tournament and Jeff paused to say hello. That guy is one of the nicest, most genuine men you will ever meet. When my Cushing's was at it's worst and I was deformed and close to tipping 200 pounds of steroid weight, I wasn't letting anyone in my house to see me. I was mortified. But when Laura was coming to visit I told her it was fine with me if Jeff came along.

Because of the way he loves my sister, I couldn't help but trust his love for me, too. And that's saying something.

Friday, March 4, 2011

That's Thomas, making the last shot of the game before they won. This was his final tournament of his senior year of high school. That blows my mind. I am so proud of that kid it's just shy of ridiculous, and am so grateful I got to share in these moments with him.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

"Lady, be quiet and watch the movie. I need to see if Secretariat pulls this off..."

Sunday, March 6, 2011

We had quite the weekend. I am fighting another infection and randomly started throwing up, but not before I started giving Riley a haircut.

Which means, again, the dog is getting groomed in stages since my hands only work half the time, and the other half I'm dizzy or throwing up. And that leaves him looking like a half-groomed Cocker Spaniel instead of a pure bred Maltese.

Don't kid yourself, people. He is thinking the exact same thing his expression is showing: "Woman, I am the freaking blog dog. I deserve a better haircut or a raise. Your choice."

:)

Thanks for once again sharing my week with me! Click on the button below if you want to go to Jessica’s site and check out the other participants showing off their weekly photos as well:

Blog Peep Questions: Round 17

What is your middle name?

Anne. With the "e" … I'm guessing since Mom decided to leave the "h" off of Sara, she decided to get a little more creative with middle name. Mom's name is Jane Ann, and when I was little I added an "e" to her middle name in my baby book because I thought she must have misspelled it by accident. Oops.

I don't really know why she spelled my name different than hers, but it ended up working out well for me. When I was a junior in high school I had the lead in the play The Diary of Anne Frank, and it wasn't until the wrap party that we realized her name was built into the middle of mine: Sara "Anne Frank"l. At the time it felt like destiny. :)

How old are your siblings?

I'm the youngest of six kids. In order, we are:
Jerry: 45
Laura: 44
Jim: 43
Janette: 42
Steve: 40
Me: 37

The first three overlap ages every year… so when my brother Jim was born, my oldest brother Jerry was still one and Laura was in between them.

CRAZY.

Apparently, every year at the baptism my grandpas would say goodbye to each other by saying, "I'll meet you back here this time next year."

Poor Mom. :)

How did your parents meet?

I love this story. My mom was from a small, neighboring farm community called St. Benedict and attended the public school there. But since the Catholic high school was open in Algona, the priest in her town decided to help out enrollment and told my Grandma Flo that he wouldn't give her absolution for her sins unless her kids attended the Catholic school [Garrigan].

Seriously.

So, seeing that her soul was at stake, and she wasn't allowed to take part in communion unless she received absolution, Gram pulled mom out of school and away from all of her friends to send her to Garrigan.

Thank goodness. Because that's where my dad went to school every day. He was "that guy" with the cool van and a boat, and was the one everyone wanted to dance with at The Surf Ballroom on the weekends. He was smooth. :)

Anyway, Mom and a friend of hers were worried that they weren't going to get dates to the prom, and a nun at the school told them if they went into the chapel during lunch and said three Hail Mary's on a Tuesday, they would get dates for the prom.

Mom swears that they went into the chapel that day, walked back out and the first person she saw was Dad. He walked right up to her and asked her to the prom… and the rest was history.

I never tested this theory myself, but all you single girls out there… tomorrow is Tuesday. Find a chapel over your lunch hour and report back if you magically find the loves of your lives.

Maybe that nun was onto something. You never know. :)