Only five minutes.
And the rule is that whatever she writes about in that five minutes is what she posts. No editing her thoughts.
Today, her topic choice is "On Waiting…"
So I'm going to set the timer, write some thoughts, and then I'm going to stop.
Ready? Set. Go.
Oh, the irony.
I am currently struggling with the waiting in my life. Not the obvious things… I mean, I am the queen at waiting for the obvious things. I wait while laying in bed for the dizziness to stop before getting up. I wait for medicines to kick in. I wait, watching the moments tick by on the clock when the medicine wears off and it's not yet time for my next dose.
I wait for my feet to steady, I wait and sit on George while I catch my breath on the way back from the kitchen. I wait for hours in the deepest of the night for some sort of sleep and rest to come to me.
And I do it well. I have learned to be very patient. I sleep when sleep comes to me, I move when I can and lay still when I can't. I've learned to be very accepting of what my body requires of me.
But the waiting to know what comes next has been harder for me lately. Waiting to see if this new infection is going to get worse or better. Waiting to see how many rounds of antibiotics this one takes. Waiting to see if my limitations now are going to look like a cake walk compared to what they'll be in the future. Waiting to see what gets worse and how soon and how severe.
That's what happens to me when I see myself sliding. When I have to start looking my life dead in the face and start accepting new limitations.
And I wait then, too. Wait for my heart to catch up to my brain. Wait for the fit inside me that wants to come out to settle down so I can get back to my go-with-the-flow-girl attitude.
I wait. I'm waiting. And trying to learn a little patience with myself. I'm waiting for that the most.