Friday, June 3, 2011

5 minutes: every day

Today I'm linking up to Lisa-Jo aka gypsy mama, who chooses a topic every Friday and writes for five minutes.

Only five minutes.

And the rule is that whatever she writes about in that five minutes is what she posts. No editing her thoughts.

Today, her topic choice is "Every day…"

So I'm going to set the timer, write some thoughts, and then I'm going to stop.

Ready? Set. Go.


Every day I awake to a sameness and the unexpected all at the same time.

I wake with the same intentions, the same goals, the same disease, the same feeling of wondering how I fill another day in the same position with the same issues.

And every day I face the unexpected. The changes in the intensity of pain and the areas of pain and the unknown side effects of pain. Every day I face the consistent schedule of taking my medications, but the unexpected schedule of what fills the in between moments.

The moments where I find out if goals can be met. The moments I may be able to type and return emails or I may not be able to do more than lay in one position and fight to rest while being too restless to sleep.

But all of those are externals. They are just what happens to me.

They are not me.

Because every day is also beautifully chosen.

In the midst of the aching sameness and the achingly unexpected of the external, is the beautifully constant of the internal. The things I choose.

The joy.

The bliss of a new room. The happy of a view that now includes birds and chipmunks and even pesky raccoons.

The joy of technology and friends at my fingertips, and the overflowing email inbox that I can't keep up with but can't live without the newness of every day hellos.

And every day I choose the one consistent internal ability that I know will never be taken from me.

The one that feels like my purpose.

The ability to love people by praying for them. Like clockwork I go through my people, I pray for them, I ache for them, I grieve with them, I rejoice with them. I faithfully pray for all of you here. Did you know that? I do.

And I praise Him through all of it.

Every day, in the sameness of good and bad, He is with me. I am never alone. I'm luckier than most because I trust that knowledge with every fiber of my being. Every day I get to be His and He always shows up.

He shows up in the joy and in the pain, in the fun and in the nausea. He shows up. Just for me. Which means every day is a good day. A joyful day. Because I choose Him.

Every single day.

And you can, too.

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